delighted sage blog

Going With The Flow: not as passive as it sounds

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 19:56:20 GMT

A topic of continual reflection for me is adaptability or "going with the flow". There are many layers and levels to this, and one recurring pitfall in achieving sustained growth in this area has been my propensity for over-reaction. Not all the time, and certainly much less than in my early life, but sometimes when the unexpected occurs, whether through a gut-punching blindside or a minor divergence from the daily plan; before I have a chance to remember just how far I've come, how much inner work I've logged and how very evolved I am *wink wink* -- I erupt. My disbelieving indignation, defensive posturing or expletives spoken through tears are all, I realize, varying disguises for my fears.

Everything works out, eventually. EVERYTHING. We get proof of this time and time again. And yet, after forty years of evidence to substantiate this truth, I am often disappointed by how truly over-reactionary I can still be. A pause and a deep breath are so often the simple solution that evades me, not occurring as the fear-spin antidote until the blessing/curse stage of hindsight arrives.

It's said that the only control we have is in how we respond to the events in our lives. I wholeheartedly agree and yet, as evidenced by my recurring over-emotional reactions, some part of me has not deciphered how to "live" the positive potentiality of this belief. Then, this morning, a new perspective on old information emerged with the help of this quote.

"The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." ~ Carlos Castaneda

What is – just – IS, right? Okay, so following that paradigm, I understand that excessive emotional responses or over-reactions are not at all value-adding, but serve only to season the moment. Thus, although I may not be in complete control of the flavors of what life serves me, I am in control of how I choose to season them. I can compliment the inherent flavors of an experience or perhaps artfully disguise displeasing flavors. In contrast, I can create discordant and disgusting flavor combinations or further intensify unsavory flavors for my pallet. Either way, it's the only meal being served and it's all on my plate.

Controlling how I react, in the moment, is a step toward personal responsibility, but there is another layer of this story. Memory and recall are strong influences in our lives, so when I over season an experience with bitterness, righteous anger and disgust, then further over-pepper it with disappointment in myself for those exact reactions, I will likely forever associate the current experience with the awful taste I have assisted in creating. Can you imagine the revolving cycle or "loop to nowhere" in that future? This really got my head spinning with worry about my ability to create a new personal paradigm, as I have often been (justifiably) categorized as an "emotional person".

** INSERT PAUSE AND DEEP BREATH HERE **

Through a great deal of insight and awareness gained on my own personal growth path, I am slowly transitioning to the self-label of "unapologetic expressive". You see, expressiveness is part of what I bring to the world; who I am, and who I am to be. It is not realistic or even healthy to expect myself to forgo emotional responses. However, I can be mindful of the seasoning metaphor, allowing myself just a sprinkle or a dash of pure emotion before I pause and taste the dish, thereby tuning in to the reality of the situation – not just my reaction – then deciding what else, if anything, is needed before clearing the table and moving on toward the next meal.

As it turns out, going with the flow is not just the chilled-out, passive acceptance of all the stimulus presented in life. For me, going with the flow is a practice of tempering my emotional responses, not suppressing them into extinction. Allowing emotion to have a true voice in my life, but as part of the choir – no diva solos! And now that I've begun spinning one metaphor into another, I think I've gone as far as this flow is meant to take me today. I hope you've found some food for thought here.

In strength,
Suzanne

Knowledge vs. Knowing and which leads to Living

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 15:52:39 GMT

I'd like to address this post to those who experience turmoil over a compulsion to know what's going to happen, to fully understand before acting and to be certain about what they should do. Let's be honest, we all fall victim to this at times. I know I do.

Because I work with energy and sometimes ask questions that seem eerily "tuned in", my clients often believe I can deliver knowing to them by way of telling. There are many intuitives, empaths, mediums and psychics who will tell you what they see, feel, hear or "get" about you, and I am not about to debunk or detract from those gifts. I believe many gifted souls have been born with or tapped into extrasensory abilities. However, I also believe we can't know anything for absolute certain, which is often the goal of the compulsive seeker. This "need to know" is a close cousin to an inability to trust one's self.

It unfolds like this. You find evidence that your life can not be trusted, by way of childhood suffering, traumatic events, betrayals, blindsides or in the form of perceived failures. A part of you decides you'd be protected, if only you could know what is going to happen, what people are going to do, when the tides are turning and where they are heading next. You believe that hyper-preparedness and being "in the know" are the only safe conditions for making any movement in life: large or miniscule. When you search for and can not find or trust the ability to know internally, you look for answers from others.

But consider that if we all have free will, then what will happen or what could happen is a constantly shifting and transforming landscape, interweaving your free will with the free will of your loved ones, co-workers, people in power and random strangers. It's a complex landscape that would be nearly impossible to interpret through even a snapshot in time, never mind that it's dynamic and ever-changing. Sprinkle in the possibilities of fate, timing and unpredictable wild cards, and you can begin to see that efforts at decoding or deciphering in this way can not possibly be a valuable use of resources or the point of your existence.

Even if you could be told and therefore "know" what's going to happen. Then what? Logically, we have to consider the phenomenon of the self-fulfilling prophecy and the possibility of self-sabotage, separate principles that could play a role. So if you are told by someone else what will happen, can you trust it as fact, emphatically? If you can't trust it, do you really know it?

You're left with not knowing, not trusting and still searching.

An internal solution does exist. We can and do get strong glimpses of truth by way of our own intuition. Gut instincts and flashes of "knowing" (aka intuitions) are like gifts from our higher support teams who, for our safety or overall best interests, sometimes step in and call an audible (a football term for when the quarterback realizes he must call a new play - on the fly - to succeed). Most likely if you think back over your life, you've only regretted when you have ignored a gut instinct, right? Our intuition is a tool that can be heightened or strengthened when we spend time understanding and developing it as an inner resource.

However, even as a developed and nurtured inner resource, intuition doesn't promise knowing (in an everyday world, precognition sense). It can help to unmuddy the waters, quieting the sometimes overbearing voices of outsiders – well meaning and self-serving alike – and honing in on what feels right or wrong for you. But then, you must make a choice, pick a path, commit to an uncertainty and give it a whirl. And even here, you do not find the answer of right or wrong, you simply get a chance to adjust... adjust...adjust as more external data and additional internal nudges reveal themselves.

Life is fluid, alive and moving, not a static moment of knowing. The answers aren't all here (in the physical world) or all there (in the etheric realms). Life is false starts, adjustments, new perspectives, challenges, successes and failures. These are the ingredients for knowledge not knowing, for living not hedging.

What if you could shift your thinking about what knowing is for you? If you've deemed the world-at-large untrustworthy, can you begin to work on building and strengthening your internal relationship to self? Can you begin to allow for subtleties and non-absolutes to support and guide you? Can you be willing to connect with and hone your own inner resources to navigate your life, becoming so rooted and comfortable in your own skin that you are no longer negatively effected by external chaos or outside energies? Can you minimize the need to know, replacing it with wonder and excitement about the possibilities on your journey?

What would that look like for you?

I'll share my own inner equation for knowing in a productive way: It's all about gathering information (external research) then mindfully and objectively considering what I've gathered (internal analysis) through the filter of my very best advisers (intuition) and then taking action (living).

And what if I'm wrong? What if I make a mistake? *GASP* The horror!

What if the truth is that every decision you make and action you take is winding you along your path, no matter the perceived success or failure in it? What if merely making any decision to move is a message to your inner and higher support teams that you are willing, learning to trust in yourself, and thus, ready for more assistance, more guidance, more knowledge?

If you can accept these possibilities or even begin to consider them, you will be taking the first steps toward developing your own personal KNOWLEDGE base, and I KNOW that will serve you well.

In strength,

Time For You - Audio Tidbit - At the Bottom

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 17:24:06 GMT

For when life doesn't feel bright or shiny, when you're struggling, in a dark time and/or at your wits end, I've created this 5-minute recording to offer a useful exercise infused with understanding and encoded with helpful, supportive energy.

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Time For You - Audio Tidbit - Affirmations for grounding, protection, guidance

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 17:21:19 GMT

I've created a new audio tidbit for your enjoyment. This one is intended for those who are easily knocked off course by overwhelm or the energies of others. It's a quick 3-minute affirmation recording intended to shift you into your own power.

If it resonates for you, claim it as a personal tool, download it with my blessings and use the technique whenever needed.

You can listen here below or go here (Time For You - Podbean podcast page) for downloading. ENJOY!

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Time For You - Audio Tidbit - A gift (updated link)

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 17:18:45 GMT

I have been creating guided meditation recordings for my hypnotherapy clients and really enjoying the process. Earlier this week it occurred to me that, when inspired to do so, I could use the same technology to share heartfelt mini messages for whoever might happen upon them. I've dubbed them Time For You Tidbits (for regular Delighted Sage readers, "Time For You" is the name of my wellness business) and below is my first one.

It's a quick three-minutes and a little rough from a recording and mixing standpoint, but the message is solid. Click the play button below the gift image to engage the player.

Enjoy and please share!

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Time For You - Audio Tidbit - A Checkpoint (updated link)

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 17:13:48 GMT

Are you consciously creating your reality? Why not take a pause and check-in to find out.

Today I am posting the second in a series of recorded mini messages from ME, Suzanne Wigginton with Time For You. This one is a five and a half minute listen and my gift to you.

Enjoy -- and if you do -- I'd be honored if you'd share.

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So you want to be an astronaut...

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 17:54:36 GMT

I have dreamed of being a writer since childhood. No one knew. I kept my dream bottled up and never wrote a word. Somewhere inside, the Writer waited.

I imagined myself writing. I created stories, built elaborate fictional worlds and never actually put pen to paper. I did all the "writing" in my head where there could be no proof of it, no means to be judged or rejected or ridiculed. I did not keep a journal. I did not embrace writing assignments in school. I did not foster my dream.

I did nothing to risk the reveal of my deep desires. I did not speak about my writing dream with anyone. I entrenched so fully in denial that I even disallowed the pleasure of reading other people's writing, declaring instead that I simply "didn't like to read". PURE BUNK! Rest assured, I have explored and continue to resolve these inner self-denial patterns, but that is not the point today.

Today, I want to illuminate the power of an inch. In my example, trapped by fear, I hunkered down and would not budge – not even an inch – remaining static, stagnant and miserable for a very long time. Somewhere along the way, my Writer found openings and opportunities to let glimpses of her gifts seep to the surface. She provided nudges, then pokes and eventually prodded when possibilities presented. As I slowly healed my heart in seemingly unrelated ways, writing became more of a consideration in my life.

Our dreams don't have to make sense to anyone, ourselves included, as strange as that sounds. If we can find ways to honor that the dream exists within – even in minuscule, ostensibly inconsequential ways – the dream will find ways to guide us toward: the next step, the placement of a puzzle piece or a renewed perspective. It only takes tiny regular efforts, and shifting will occur. We might find that the dream itself shifts or transforms. Or, our lives and attitudes will shift to remove obstacles and reveal support.

Using myself as an example again, I began the very simple and obvious effort of reading what most closely matched the type of stories bubbling up within me. I allowed myself to become fully engaged in and inspired by the power of the written word. I began journaling (at first sporadically) which has proven to be valuable in every aspect of my life – please hear that – every aspect of my life. I followed an internal nudge and on a whim, enrolled in creative writing classes at a local college. And, although I did nothing formally with the knowledge gleaned from those classes for years, they provided the foundation I work upon today.

This all unfolded slowly, and at the outset, I did not proclaim the end result of "being a writer". I merely allowed my inner desire (the Inner Writer) to have a voice and to cast a vote in how I spent my time and efforts. Even during my early-life denial period, in some small way, I had kept the dream alive by allowing myself to play with it in my imagination. However, when I finally took action in the physical world and moved myself an inch toward my heart's longing, the surrounding landscape of my life reached out to greet me in new ways. I gave an inch, and the positive results unfurled for miles and miles.

Some of my results:

I launched this blog in 2009.
I am working regularly on a fiction novel which lights me up in the very best ways.
I am now embarking on a self-transformation book project to be a companion piece for a hypnotherapy program in my wellness business.

Does that make me a Writer? Possibly not by other people's definitions, but I AM WRITING a lot, which my grateful heart will gladly tell you, absolutely makes me a WRITER.

________________________

Have you given energy or attention to your own dreams lately? What small thing could you do this week to show support for those dreams? GET CREATIVE.

You might search for another who has blazed the same or a similar trail and let their success inspire you. Maybe you can simply get quiet and ask yourself what your dream needs, now. Then do it, or write it on a calendar as a commitment that you will do it. Perhaps you could begin to develop a new relationship with your dreams.

Jeff Brown, author of Soul Shaping says, "Don't just follow your dreams. You may lose them at a red light, or while wandering the trailways of transformation. Better yet, ingest and embody them, make them indistinguishable from you. Weave your most wondrous imaginings into the breath of your being."

I love that idea, because it entails dropping the chase and being your dreams, right now. Become the person you will be when your dreams are achieved. A paradox? Perhaps, but in some way, this is available for you, today.

Don't have a dream? Remember back to your childhood daydreams or imaginary playtime adventures, the ones we tend to consider whimsical and ridiculous now. Choose one of those and explore the energy behind it.

Did you claim you wanted to be an astronaut? Could it be that you crave the adventure of new or little known realms? You don't have to go into space to follow the desire to explore new things.

Did you pretend to be a detective? Perhaps you are inspired when puzzling things out, troubleshooting or picking up on details others easily miss. A dream could be hiding behind these elements of your character. Take a closer look.

These may seem like silly examples, but often the profound hides – right there – behind the silly.

Do you have a dream and feel daunted or dis-empowered by it's vastness? Here's an idea. Write down a list of five things you think you could/should be doing to support this dream. Then tear it to bits and toss it in the nearest trash receptacle. Whew!

Now, visualize yourself "doing and being your dream thing". Just pretend you can see it -- it's that simple -- no need to get mired down in not knowing how to visualize. Take in a full deep breath. Release it slowly and completely, inviting another list of endeavors to form. Some things from the first list may reappear, and beyond the obvious and "the shoulds", other action steps that can strengthen your dream's potential may also emerge.

This is all just food-for-thought to ignite your own personal guidance mechanisms. Ponder, imagine and ruminate, but also intend to move beyond the thought-part and into some action. Bust out - even if just an inch - and let the glow of your dreams shine a light on your path.

Loving me/rooting for you,

As the Pendulum Swings... where did all this yuck come from?

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Wed, 11 May 2011 17:58:00 GMT

In recent conversations with friends, classmates and clients, there has been a recurring theme about the unexpected and inexplicable emergence of negative feelings. Personally, my intention has been to accept surfacing unpleasant feelings as ribbon-wrapped invitations: to observe, shift and grow. However, after a recent onslaught of these pesky "invites" and my absolute inability to surrender to them, let alone accept them as gifts, I decided to dive in and take a closer look.

My personal negative thought patterns go a little something like this:

Why does everything go to hell, right when I'm getting into the flow of life? Is it an unavoidable comeuppance? Why can't I sustain an "all good" status? What is wrong with me? Am I cursed? Am I guilty of self-sabotage?

I've played host to these ugly thoughts far more often than I'd like to admit. If you are unfamiliar with this line of thinking, I am thrilled to know you've escaped the depleting clutches of self-admonishment and limiting thoughts. However, if any of this strikes a chord of familiarity, then you know the wicked downward spiral that can be initiated here.

After objectively observing (investigating) my patterns, I discovered the following cycle: a new, exciting, promising or joyful "something" occurs and it sends off the metaphorical pendulum, into a wide swing in a wonderful and positive direction.

In this moment I am child-like, riding the swing and soaking up the magic that resides at the greatest height of its arc. In that blissful instant before the descent begins, I believe I can fly. I am bursting with possibilities.

Because I am so preoccupied with and consumed by this experience, I become untethered. The pendulum, having completed this leg of it's journey, does what pendulums do. It returns, back past center, to the opposite side where darker feelings reside, and things begin to feel... yucky.

Since I have basked in the fresh joys at the new wider edge of my (pendulum's) positive swing, I now zoom past the center point, cruise through all of my known ugly and negative thoughts and inch further into newly uncovered dark and painful places. This would be the point in the metaphor where I'm becoming particularly perturbed and my inner-victim dialogue rages.

What the (insert favorite expletive here)? Can I not enjoy or expand my life without being smacked down...put in my place by the Universe? Why am I being punished for self-improvement?

Not my finest moments, but looking into them without judgment or shame has led to an understanding about what is happening here. As a student and practitioner of hypnotherapy, I have come to greatly respect the power and influence of the subconscious mind: that part of me that remembers every tiny detail of every single experience I have ever had. The part of me that has categorized these experiences, made decisions about the world based on these experiences and created programs it deems will best support me (protect me) as I move through life.

Clinical Hypnotherapist, Dr. Laura DiGiorgio states "No matter how beneficial for you new ideas may be, the fact that they are different than what you have become accustomed to, may cause you to experience inner tension, discomfort and subconscious resistance to this new idea."

Although the methods of my subconscious mind can be heavy-handed and its intel (at times) flawed, I recognize it as an ally, not an adversary. When I enjoy something new and wonderful, closely followed by a plunge into uncomfortable and negative feelings, this is an indicator to me that parts of myself (for some reason) don't trust or believe in the new data.

Amid the yuck, this truth whispers into my discomfort. The blessing of this truth shines a spotlight on areas that require further attention and can benefit from additional personal work. However, before I can begin to focus on any of that "next" work, I must first get back to center – return to stillness – so I can regroup.

But this dang pendulum is swinging wide. Even if I choose calm and don't allow extreme feelings to perpetuate its momentum, my miniscule comprehension of physics tells me I'm in for a lengthy back-and-forth-ride. Ugh. There has got to be a better way...and perhaps there is.

Maybe I don't have to simply wait it out in frustration, berating myself. Maybe I can practice grounding down into the present moment, continually reminding myself to Be. Here. Now. By accepting where I am at present, better yet, embracing where I am at present – not praying to be somewhere else, not longing to feel something different, not plotting how I'll do it all different next time, just being fully committed to the present moment...BAM – I've activated the magnet!

What magnet? Well, this part I made up and the physics may not be valid, but go with me here...

By being fully present, I've magnetized a center point and now, as I (the pendulum) swing along, ostensibly through many more arc spans, I am instead pulled down toward the magnetized area and thereby re-anchored into My Center...into stillness...sooner. Although it may take a bit of back and forth and a few beats to get my bearings, I do regain the sense of solid foundation. From here I can recover, renew and mindfully prepare to address my newly illuminated inner obstacles.

Of course, I hope there comes a time when I have cleared all the negative, self-defeating programs hidden away and am no longer discombobulated by the pendulum's swing no matter its height or direction. For now, I can honor that I'm not there yet and be grateful I do have tools. My personal favorite grounding and centering practices include:

a walking meditation
listening to music that "moves" me or to sound healing recordings
journaling into and through my current thoughts and feelings
a deep cleansing breath (never ever underestimate its shifting power)

What are some of your favorite grounding and centering methods? Can you relate to using them to mitigate the discomfort during your own unsettling pendulum experiences?

Do tell...

My Destiny: a full moon's hodgepodge of epiphanies

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 15:09:00 GMT

Last month, in the midst of a fantastical Maui vacation, I awoke in the wee hours to find our beachside studio bathed in light. A light so bright, it beckoned me out to the lanai where I discovered a hypnotizing full moon alighting the waters silver and gleaming over the entire Napili Bay area. I marveled at how it seemed daytime-bright in an otherworldly way, and I could not stop myself from grinning ear-to-ear.

This was Mother Moon…in paradise…in full glory. She easily persuaded me to stay until her final curtain call as she yielded to the new day. This magic happens all the time and by no means occurred for my benefit alone... but benefit I did. I do not typically remove myself from a comfortable bed at 4:30 a.m., but following that compulsion got me a front row seat for a performance of natural splendor. The divine beauty conveyed an impression of miracles to my mind and embossed that ear-to-ear grin onto my heart.

Later that morning, while journaling about events from the previous day’s frolics, the seeds of the following spilled onto the page:

Goddess Moon in the ache of pre-dawn tugs me from sleep
A vivid landscape painted silver by her resplendent glow
She calls out to twinkling stars and listeners, Be Only True!

The sea calms in reverence and, for an instant, the world rests pristine
As the sleepers awaken anew, she lingers bold and brash
Never spilling her secrets, yet assuring and affirming me

As she bows beneath the distant horizon, I proclaim:
"Mother may I take the magic from your mid-night sky
Remembering to smile and play within the mystery of my day."

The smile from my heart rebloomed upon my face. My vacation brain didn’t fully understand what to "do" with this experience, but I felt a shift as wisdom long-lingering at my fringes gained access, waking me in a brand new way. I thought of the simple expression about life choices: evolve or revolve.

I have recently reframed the divergent good versus bad option of this expression into two possible positives. The ultimate goal, of course, is to evolve, but taking into account that we are engaged in this HUMAN experience, I had to stop looking at the revolve option as the loser's side of the spectrum. By it's very definition, "revolve" represents movement and promises another chance.

This new perspective has been freeing for me. I've hypothesized that during a "next time" occurrence of learning or personal growth opportunity, I might be in a position to experience the growth in a gentler way...or a more productive way...or on a more powerful level. And before me, in the afterglow (pardon the pun) of this magical encounter, rested the quiet invitation to evolve, to heed Mother Moon's call to "be only true".

Before we left for our Hawaii trip, I had written the following quote on the first page of a notebook I'd be using to journal.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

-- Henry David Thoreau

These words have historically stirred hope and aspiration but also evoked frustration over the perceived concealment of my path and anxieties surrounding my inability to decipher and articulate my desires. [Picture self-inflicted torment featuring a lack of trust and me crawling -- in struggle -- toward what's in my heart. Not pretty.]

Now, after what feels like renewal or recalibration from the moon inspirations, I am finally grasping Thoreau's sentiment in an applied sense. I am choosing to spend gobs of quality time with myself on spiritual pursuits, education opportunities I'm drawn to, grounding activities, meditation, journaling, playing, writing…connecting. From the space this creates in me, I am following nudges, inklings and urges from my heart, taking small actions when I'm led and then awaiting further inspiration and direction.

Living in the mystery is fun! I'm "doing" when led to do and "being" when inspired to simply be. The conduit between my larger Self and I is strengthening and my knowings are becoming clearer. I have become aware of and accepted additional opportunities to shift (evolve). These shifts have placed me solidly on my path and in delighted concert with my destiny. A bigger gift, I can not imagine.

As I contemplated whether I was painting a clear picture with these words or babbling indecipherably, a woman I greatly admire posted the following on facebook.

"It’s not about figuring out what Big Thing you are here to do. It’s about recognizing what is life-giving & turning your face in that direction. It’s about letting yourself be drawn by that which feeds your heart & soul, about being present enough to turn away from that which has no life for you to turn toward that which makes you open & open & open- like a blossom reaching toward the sun, rooted in the earth."

-- Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Ahhh…yes. Moving from a mindset of "struggling to discover my larger purpose" into an existence of "trusting that my destiny calls me forward in each smaller moment of my own bliss". The only prerequisites: show-up, tune-in and follow directions. It's both simple and profound... Perfection.

As I settle into a gratifying pace upon My Path, I offer an intention for you: may the many blessings of inspiration befall you often, finding you always open-for-business and willing to act.

Loving me,

My 7 Link Challenge post... better late than never

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 15:43:00 GMT

I recently stumbled onto a blogging challenge posed last year by Darren Rowse of ProBlogger.net. My total number of blog entries is little more than twice what his link challenge entails, so I initially thought I’d be an inappropriate candidate for participation. Because I’ve been wanting to energize my writing and to get reconnected with and become newly inspired by my blog, I deemed this exercise a perfect catalyst. Plus, self-promotion is not a dirty word, and I get to highlight another blogger I admire. Bonus! [Oh, how I love to find and claim the "bonus" in any situation. It’s a fun game -- I encourage you to play.] On to the matter at hand.

The Delighted Sage Blog’s "7 Link Challenge" Post

#1 - Your first post: Now Serving: An Ice Cold Glass of Shut-up Juice. The idea originated during a SARK workshop when I stretched out of my comfort zone, agreeing to create a blog and publish an entry within thirty days. Hitting the publish button on that post, thereby not allowing my inner perfectionist to talk me out of ever getting started was huge. I had little idea of what I was doing or where I was going, but I honored that commitment as a show of support to my creative dreams.

#2 - A post you enjoyed writing the most: I had fun writing How Does a Former Negativity Junkie Get a Delighted Life. It flowed out with a smooth easiness allowing for much less of the rewriting rigamarole I put most posts through. I do think I enjoyed my cheesy bank account analogy a little too much.

#3 - A post which had a great discusssion: My blog is a bit lacking in that department, and I claim here and now that I would love to attract more discussion in the future. For the purposes of this challenge, I chose The Underappreciated Magic of Massage. The comments came from readers I’d never communicated with before and I appreciate the value they added to the topic. More…more…more of that, please.

#4 - A post on someone else’s blog you wish you’d written: I truly enjoy the gifts at Sonja Haller’s Soulful Writing Blog, where she adeptly offers up delectable phrases like "emotional hot potato" and "from ho-hum to hoo-ha". Her post Waiting to Relax is one I wish I’d written because she covers a relatable struggle and shares a feasible solution. Succinct, helpful and beautifully written...what more can you ask for in a blog entry?

#5 - Your most helpful post: Pruning My Deadwood: A Terrifying Proposition. It’s me being authentic…exposed…vulnerable…and blogging anyway. Sharing in a transparent and authentic manner can touch, inspire and heal. It’s happened for me as a reader many times and I aspire to pay it forward when I’m led to do so. This entry also highlighted an inner-child conversation which I know to be a valuable and illuminating endeavor.

#6 - A post with a title you’re proud of: I relish the emergence of blog entry titles. Sometimes the title shows up and I write the entry around it. Other times the entire post is written, and I wait for the title to stand up and introduce itself. My favorite is probably: Oh Crap! What if I’m a Dynamo and Not a Slacker?

#7 - A post you wish more people had read: Without question, I wish more people had read my recent post Who Cares That I Feel Like Crap? Not Me…Anymore. Many of us exist in chronic-illness-realities, chasing cures and being much too hard on ourselves. This subject matter feels timely and important.

And thus concludes my 7 Links Challenge entry. Twas a fun journey through the archives, and (to my delight) I am now jazzed to blog more… to share more… to create more -- BONUS!

Loving me,

Who cares that I feel like crap? Not me (anymore).

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 16:25:00 GMT

I do not feel well much of the time. Be assured, this is just an unbiased observation not a judgment, a call to pity-party or a martyr’s grandstand. Looking back over my life, I can admit I have persisted in illness more than I have experienced what most would claim as good health. An underlying inexplicable frailty prevails for me and daily life revolves…has always revolved…around its management with varying degrees of success. I have begun pondering the possibility that sub-par physical health simply "is what it is" for me. If that is indeed my truth, I have an opportunity to accept that and reconsider a few things.

Historically, I have harshly judged the reality of my physical health, deeming myself and labeled by others as sickly, defective and weak. Any downslide on my wellness spectrum generates anxiety, grief, wrath and ultimately despondency. In response to my perceived deficiencies, I have poured untold resources (both material and energetic) into Herculean efforts for breakthroughs, and although I have enjoyed intermittent improvements and gained productive insights, my day-to-day tally of feel well vs. not feel well remains virtually unchanged.

To be clear, this is not a resignation to or claim of eternal sickness, thereby denying myself the possibility of good health. In fact, I believe my former paradigm of self-criticism, defeatism and suffering potentially kept me locked into revolving manifestation. No, I am not resigning myself to being sick; I am merely considering a more neutral stance regarding my health whereby I don’t allow how I am physically to completely dictate how I experience life mentally and emotionally. This is also not an abdication of my former commitments to honor, nourish and appreciate my physical being.

In an article on Belifenet.com, "What Price Glory", Anne A. Simkinson interviews Laura Hillenbrand, author of Seabiscuit: An American Legend. They discuss her history with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and how writing the book affected her life. She shares:

“I am not somebody who thinks I am entitled to good health or to a good peaceful happy life. We are fortunate when we have them, but when we don’t have them it’s not that someone’s taking them away from us. It just happens. [This attitude] has made it easier for me to deal with [my illness] than someone else who thinks, ‘Why me?’"

Ms. Hillenbrand’s physical debilitation has been longstanding and profound yet she wrote a bestselling award-winning novel, not in spite of her physical health, but right along beside her health challenges. I am awed and inspired by the accomplishment and this woman.

Is it possible to separate my emotions and attitudes from how I am doing physically? Probably not, however, I do believe I can work at not responding by feeling dominated and decimated. I can work to not rage against my physical status or let it equate to who I am or what I‘m worth. Moreover, if good health in the long-term sense is not in the cards for me, I wish to find ways and means of expressing who I am in any moment, shining my light right alongside being physically unwell.

As I reflect, a new question arises. How can I agree to be okay with not being well when I am in the wellness field? The very mission statement for my business reads, "assisting you in reaching a state of wellness and stillness so you may hear the whisper of your own inner wisdom and claim a richly rewarding life". The truth is when I enjoy the rewards of stillness and tune into the voice of my own inner wisdom, I know that my worthy pursuits are seeking balance in my emotional and mental realms…a quest for equanimity. This is where wellness resides for me.

Thus, my declaration: I will strive to remain in a place of non-judgment about my day-to-day physical health standing and eschew an all-consuming chase after answers and cures. As an example, today I observe that my throat hurts, my level of fatigue has increased since yesterday, my neck is tight, my joints are achy and… there is still much I can do. I can choose to feel capable, creative and worthy. I can write, organize, relfect, meditate, dream, plan, love, communicate and live. The fact that there are things on the could-do list that are out of my reach is a blessing of clarity about where my time and efforts are best spent in the moments that make up my today.

I have never before attempted a personal paradigm shift this deeply engrained. This experiment in true acceptance could be a real game-changer for me. During this season of thanks, I am grateful for the opportunity to try out a new perspective. Do you have unexpected or unconventional blessings to add to your own gratitude list?

Loving (and accepting) me,

Upping the Ante: breaking through resistance to find some truth

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 16:18:00 GMT

Twitter has become, for me, a treasure trove of inspirational folks sharing uplifting ideas. Recently, I’ve been enjoying insightful blog post contributions from many in my Twitter timeline. It got me pondering my own current absence from blog activity. For the past few months, every time I’ve thought about sitting down to create a blog contribution, the same thought has presented, “You don’t have anything to say, right now”.

For those of you who know me personally, I realize this concept is laughable. For those of you who don’t… let’s just say, I’m rarely, if ever, at a loss for words. Alas, there is an important distinction between a blathering fount of unfocused measure and a worthy contribution to the universal “food for thought” menu. So, I’ve contemplated, pondered and fretted.

An often repeated and retweeted quote has been tickling my awareness. Maya Angelou said “A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song”. On the surface, this didn’t appear to directly correlate to my situation but, it kept coming back into my mind until I realized: we all have something to say… to the world… to our peers… to ourselves. My strong sense of “nothing to say” revealed itself to be, simply, resistance. Resistance to what I didn’t yet know. I made a shift and decided to up the ante and set out for a breakthrough. I engaged myself in a free flow journaling session to see where I might catch a thread of my truth. I dove in:

In Arizona, we’ve transitioned into full-force desert summer mode: daily high temps at 115 with lows in the upper 80s. I live in this desert by choice and genuinely enjoy most of what an annual cycle entails; however, there is no mistaking that for three months (July, August, September) a mental transition is necessary. Necessary, not for my survival, but for me to flourish. This season, I have yet to make the required shift, and the oversight has found me wanting…withering.

During the non-blast-furnace months of my beloved desert life, I’ve developed tried and true methods for my own personal connection to Self. My particular bevy of tools for thriving typically includes: journaling, hiking, massage therapy, yoga and guided meditation. My favorite of the personal inner connection tools is combining a hike in the neighborhood foothills with guided meditation delivered through my ipod. This is my “go to” quick fix connection which works for me every time and on all levels. The hiccup -- I can not partake in this activity in the summer heat. Even at 5 a.m., my physical reactions to being overheated are too strong to mitigate. I have now realized that a part of me is so strongly protesting this lack of a treasured activity, I’ve been subconsciously rejecting all other connection tools as well, thereby resigning myself to a daily existence of unfocused efforts, uninspired decisions and untethered activities.

It may sound inconceivable that anyone would deny themselves the pleasure of a relaxing massage, the peace and comfort a yoga class can bring or the gifts of stillness that accompany a meditation, but let’s be honest, our conscious minds are masters of diversion, distraction and reprioritization. Hence the need for a transition in my mental realm. During the time when my most desired connection activity is unavailable to me, it’s vital that I move into a period of structure in regards to my inner connection endeavors.

What??? Structure??? Blech... Yuck... Barf... Why??? No!!!

Okay. [THE GLEAMING GEM POPS OUT] Commitment without willingness for structure is not commitment at all.

And there it is and I am suddenly enveloped in a new truth. It may be a mental transition that’s needed, but more importantly it’s the physical component that’s missing in my mind-body-spirit wholeness at the moment.

This, my friends, is the value in writing it out (journaling) even when you feel you have “nothing to say“. When you put yourself in front of the keyboard or the blank journal page and being to write, a flow beings. Before long, a connection is established with your inner/higher resources and *poof*, out pops THE GEM: the words you need to hear, the concept you must explore, the answer to even the unspoken question.

I’m historically a mental dweller who gets glimpses and brief moments of profound connection to my inner soul resources. I see now, it is in the moments where I’m in my body and engaging in physical activity that my mind quiets and true connection occurs. Meaning that the alignment of all parts of myself is where the magic and mystery of life reside for me. A moment of honesty here: as a massage therapist of almost a decade who has intellectually understood this in theory, it’s a tad embarrassing to be really “getting it” for the first time. (Better late than never.)

I have never been consistently physically active, I certainly have not committed to a regimen of honoring my body, and I have never seen it as the “key” to the truths for Suzanne. I come from a past of ill health and never thought of my body as something that supported me. Truth be told, I’ve never spent much time, if any, honoring it at all. In hindsight, I see that this shift into an intention of honoring my physical being has been happening slowly over the past couple of months: it’s merely my mental awareness that’s beginning to catch up.

I’ve instinctively become more conscious about my food and nutrition choices. I have been pursuing treatment protocols for long-time health challenges with my naturopathic physician. I even danced around the edges of this very topic in my recent blog post about the Underappreciated Benefits of Massage .

What’s next then? In the spirit of putting attention onto intention (which I believe in strongly for thriving, growth and manifesting greatness) I now intend to put my glorious body on the pedestal it deserves for the very first time. I will move my body… I will fuel my body… I will support my body. In turn, I believe I will soar into a fresh place of true connection more and more of the time.

Now that is something, not only to “say“, but something to sing about!

Loving me,

The underappreciated magic of massage

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Fri, 14 May 2010 21:09:00 GMT

As a licensed massage therapist, believing whole heartedly in the benefits of my chosen trade, I’ve recently been remiss in my own self-care. Last week, I enjoyed a long overdo massage session with one of my trusted massage therapists. Yes, that’s right… I have several massage professionals in my self-care toolkit.

It occurred to me during and after the session that I’ve never formally shared my favorite “by-product benefits” of massage therapy. Many benefits of massage are well known i.e. relaxation, increased circulation, pain relief, etc. For me, there’s much more. So here goes. My five fabulous additional upshots of the massage experience: Relax – Connect - Let Go - Listen - Remember. Before I dive in further, allow me a quick disclaimer. I am simply conveying my opinions regarding massage therapy and not implying it’s the only doorway to any of these results.

Relax

Beyond the obvious physical relaxation inherent in a massage therapy session lies a chance to allow your mind to relax. Sadly it's a rare event for some with minds set on constant spin cycle. The spin of one set of thoughts perpetuating more thoughts, ricocheting off of incoming ideas and multiplying into more and more thoughts, all operating like mini-cyclones in the fields of our conscious minds. Relief from this alone would be blessing enough. But wait...there's more.

Connect

Within massage lies the possibility of tuning-in to your body's amazing message system. Our body‘s are sending signals regularly: signals relating to (and about) strain, overuse, misuse, discomfort and pain. Amid a chaotic daily life these built-in, helpful and protective indicators become easy to dismiss and eventually ignore.

Let Go

Once relaxed and tuned in to your body, an opportunity exists to release physical remnants of spent emotions from the recent (and possibly) distant past. Our body's store it all. Cleansing breaths made possible by a relaxed state paired with mindful intention available with connection to your body's indicators provides a perfect setting for letting go. A letting go of stress hormones trapped in your tissues from traumas big and small...a letting go of accumulated pockets of worry...a letting go of the effects of early programming (i.e. a need to do it all - or understand it all - or have it all). The releasing possibilities are endless. Just imagine.

Listen

Massage leads to relaxation and stillness. In my business, my mission is to assist you in reaching a state of wellness and stillness so you may hear the whisper of your own inner wisdom - your best compass in ANY situation. Building and strengthening the muscle that is “connecting to inner wisdom” is suited perfectly for meditation and journaling activities and massage provides a terrific complementary option for maintenance.

Remember
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Within the stillness and relaxation of massage therapy rests a gift: a reminder of who you are...what you truly want...and, best of all, the hint that you can always start (or start again) right now. Offering a subtle gentle nudge toward the authentic wonderful you is perhaps my most cherished by-product of the services I provide.

It's your turn now delighted sage readers. What potentially underappreciated or unperceived benefits do you experience from massage therapy or your preferred style of bodywork? I’d love to hear about it.

Loving me,

Pruning my deadwood: a terrifying proposition

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 20:51:00 GMT

This post is dedicated to Syda, Carla and the power of Sisterhood (a true blessing of revolving support amongst a group of trusted souls). If you do not have these forces present in your life, I implore you to be open to the amazing possibilities they provide.

On a recent morning, I lounged in my backyard, sipping coffee perfection and listening to the birds amid their morning frolic. The once grand tree on the other side of our back wall, a jungle gym for every species of bird from these parts and on occasion, I'd swear some who don't typically stomp these grounds called out for my attention. This winter (which is Phoenix' version of almost everywhere else's spring) when the tree bounced back from dormancy into leaved splendor, it revealed an enormous chunk of its magnificence had died. Travelling breezes sidling up for introduction now meet dead branches, stiff and unyielding, yet air mingles easily amongst the life-filled foliage, welcoming and responsive: the perfect dance partner.

The shape of this tree is balanced and well-rounded, but it's crying out in need of pruning, possibly for its own survival. According to Wikipedia, "a dead branch will at some point decay back to the parent stem causing abscission". (Gulp) This fact, neither shocking nor illogical, elicited a strong response from a small internal voice. She scoffed and stomped her feet, dejected over the potential "corrective pruning" in this tree's future.

I engaged in an internal dialogue with this embittered inner voice. Her arguments:

Don't be so hasty. Maybe it'll come back (the ever hopeful procrastinator)
What's wrong with that tree? Leave it alone! Stop nit picking!
What if it doesn't survive the chopping away at its perceived "dead parts"? Putting it through all of that stress and chaos just to have it die anyway...ever think of that? (Yeah... she's a little sassy, this particular inside voice.)
It'll look foolish, unbalance and unsightly when it's "fixed".
And for how long? Will it ever fill out again? What if you're dooming this tree to be misshapen for eternity? (She's a little overdramatic, also.)
Once it's chopped up, everyone will look upon it with pity, thinking: look at that pathetic excuse for a tree.

That was certainly a lot to "come up" in an internal dialogue about a tree I see every day. The state of this tree spoke to my heart in parallels to my own personal growth. I know there are pieces of long ago, once necessary coping mechanisms that no longer protect me and hinder my greatness. I realize my path of personal evolution is a spiral one, not a straight line; and that opportunities for helpful change are brought around again and again offering the chance to do "corrective pruning" of my own. What I'm now coming to understand is that the process of change and transformation, even when for the overall greater good, remains foundationally scary for me, bringing about powerful feelings of vulnerability, ineptitude and disdain.

When sharing this with my fellow on-line journaling community, two very special people stepped up in support. My soul sister, Syda wrote:

“The wonderful thing about nature is that it is grounded in its roots. The root system that you have built will continue to support, feed and nourish your limbs; as well as sustain any new growth that develops (habits, thought patterns and attitudes)... Take care of your roots and as you prune...your roots will take care of you.”

My insolent inner voice considered these gentle words from a trusted outsider, and she moved from battle mode to contemplation. Next, the incomparable Carla Reeves, founder of Sanity Journals and our den mother at the Journaling Lounge sent out this gem:

“There is certainly a sense of sadness letting go of that which is no longer needed, and an excited expectancy of what is to come when in fact you do let go, trusting and knowing you are making room for something better...when we neglect the necessary pruning and letting go – we stifle our light and magnificence from shining through.”

Carla then shared a tree painting inspired by this topic and the conversation it kicked up between she, myself and Syda. Her “Tree of Inspiration” evoked a sigh of adoration and delight from me and all my inner selves.

Newly strengthened by the outpouring of genuine support and camaraderie, I reached inward and held tight to a little hand attached to that little voice. I explained to her that deadwooding is the removal of all dead, broken or diseased branches, thereby making the tree more structurally sound. Together, I told her, we will slowly and only when necessary, prune habits, thought patterns and attitudes that are no longer helpful, trusting in the aid of Spirit to guide the way and ultimately, we will flourish, be structurally sound, grow, fill-out and be the beautiful tree (me) destined to be.

Our hands clasped together, she offered me a little squeeze to indicate her willingness. Together, we began to consider which branches to clip first.

Loving me,

Grateful for them:
http://kreativenotions.blogspot.com/

http://www.sanityjournals.com

When life hits the skids and delight goes underground...way underground.

suzanne@delightedsage.net (Suzanne Wigginton) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 22:11:00 GMT

In the past decade, I’ve enjoyed the fruits of a great deal of personal growth. I have observed, dissected and successfully transformed many areas of self sabotage and habits of “success interruptus”. This November a real life crisis arose, further illuminating another opportunity for important healing along my path.

During a tumultuous childhood, I developed a finely tuned survival skill for navigating a crisis. I didn’t know how to make my life work on a day-to-day scale, but in a crisis... I was your girl! At some sad point, I also developed the subconscious belief that my crisis skill set was the only worthwhile contribution with which I’d been blessed. Thus, it became my honor badge. I lettered in it. I brought home the gold in it. I collected every proverbial merit badge offered in it. It's amazing how tightly and desperately one can cling to perceived proficiencies regardless of their true value or appropriateness to our lives.

Unfortunately, my honor badge also morphed into a destructive revolving pattern. I lived my life for many years allowing my body (truly my whole self) to respond to every minor stress event as if it was a major crisis. Why? I suppose in hindsight, it was the only approach I felt competent acting from. I existed in a cyclone of gushing fight or flight hormones only to eventually collapse like a ragdoll for inordinate amounts of time while my beleaguered system attempted recovery. It was a far cry from a "delighted" existence in any sense.

In November, my husband went from a week at home sick to the emergency room where he was then rushed to the operating room. Before I had a conscious awareness of it... off I went, rapidly burning through all my energy reserves to the point of depletion and pushing onward from there; depending, I suppose, on some unscrupulous cosmic energy broker to approve me for an interest only no-collateral loan to get me by. I was more than willing (as in the past) to pay the piper...later.

In my depleted frightened state, I fell prey to my inner gremlins and their constant devilish diatribes.

Do you see now? Your life is not meant to shine.
Thriving is for other people. Consider yourself lucky to have crawled up as far as you have.
You didn’t really think you could escape a daily struggle, did you?

And from my meanest snidest gremlin:

States of positivity and abundance are places you can access occasionally, Dear. But you only get a visitor’s pass. Much better people than you enjoy permanent residence there!

With that, I fell further to a place of gripe, grouse and grouch. It's an all too familiar state of being for my inner depletion junkie. (Oh the joys of a downward spiral). No matter how I imagined turning it around, no matter what positive affirming steps I took or soothing words of worth I spoke, I was stuck in that old story: spinning, stewing and revolving.

In the midst of my personal inner crisis, the reality of my husband’s health crisis raged on externally. This was no time for long reflection and introspection. Survival mode was in full effect. I began to feebly attempt a new skill offered by my trusted Counselor, Ellen. I took all of these new realizations and revelations about my past and how they directly effected my present and one by one, I put them through the "Isn’t it interesting..." observation process.

"Isn't it interesting that this happened and it immediately reminded me of when that happened?" and then I put it aside. "Isn’t it interesting that I find myself here and can see how and why that relates to when I found myself there." and then I put it aside. "Isn’t it interesting that I’ve run myself into the ground and have nothing left to give my life even though my life is still there staring at me?" and then I put it aside. This may sound silly and juvenile, but I tell you it’s an exercise worth pursuing. It served to soothe the savage beasts.

As my husband and I now prepare for our next and hopefully last surgery/recovery period in this current saga, I honor the knowing that my once revered “rock star in a crisis” modus operandi is not for my highest and best good. Developing long-haul strategies, proper assessment of available resources and the management of their long term allocation and appropriately asking for and accepting support are worthwhile efforts and represent the next stages of my personal evolution.

For today, I am in a time of slow: slow movement, slow processes, slow progress. Slow is good. Slow is gentle. Gentle is mandatory now. Gentle is what I deserve. Gentle is what I will allow myself. I leave you with my favorite lyric from a John Mayer song. "I'm in repair. I'm not together, but I'm getting there."

Loving me,